is it just me?

today is a lady in my department's birthday. They are having cake. YAY for cake. However, we have to go down there and sing. Bleh. For some reason I HATE singing happy birthday at work. Just the thought of it gives me hives. But I am in a real dilemma because I sure could go for a piece of cake. Maybe I will just move my lips and not make any noise. haha. Or maybe I will stand in the stairway until I hear that they have finished singing and then go fetch my cake. I'm such a party pooper!

nice outfit
So, you know how you see little kids and they are wearing some totally jacked up outfit of red plaid pants and a pink polka dotted shirt and some Elmo sandals? And you sort of assume that they were allowed to dress themselves, but secretly you think that the parents should be exercising a little bit more control? Well, I knew those days were coming, but I was not prepared for them to arrive so early. And I am sad to inform you that Baby Lizard has terrible taste. Really, truly awful. I have mostly tried to combat this by only buying her plain pants in neutral colors so no matter what she can only go so far wrong. But I get lots of clothes from other people so there are still quite a few rogue items in her drawer. Today she was wearing a bright but cute sweater, which was primarily pink and kind of busy. She really wanted to wear her ladybug pants, which are also cute but kind of busy and mostly red. I tried to reason with her and get her to put on a pair of jeans, but no dice. Now I realize why parents let their kids walk around looking like escaped mental patients - sometimes it is just easier to let them look crazy rather than fight about it. But, in the end I told her those two didn't look nice together and talked her into some black pants. Though, I felt kind of badly about it afterwards. Why must I be so vain?

My question is this - why do all kids like the brightest, loudest, ugliest clothes? How does this happen? I have no idea, but I think it's funny because in the end they look like all those Chinese grandmas who are still happy that they can wear colors and don't have to wear blue or gray all the time so they wear 17 different colors and patterns at once. Heh.

I saw this on a license plate in my parking lot. Don't get me wrong, I heart cheese as much (or more!) than the next guy, but I am not sure I need it on my license plate. I might argue that my ass is enough of an advertisement for just how much I heart cheese and all its friends.

sympathy
In a moment of poor planning, I was forced to purchase an anniversary card for my husband in the General Store in a tiny town in Wisconsin just north of Madison. We were off for the weekend celebrating, I forgot his card, and there I was. It was a store that featured Wisconsin specialties - you know, beer, cheese, cow pies, etc. So, I was looking at the one rack of cards, and there was a section titled "Horse Sympathy". You know, for when someone's horse dies. Really? I mean, this isn't exactly horse country. And I know horses have tons of personality and all, and are kind of like dogs for lots of their owners, but a whole card category? Especially when they had like three choices for anniversary cards? Um, yeah. I am a terrible wife.

On the subject of dogs (let's face it, we're on the subject of just about anything at this point), a lady I work with's dog has cancer. Which is terrible, it is. And I would be very sad if my dog had cancer. But here's the thing: 1) the dog is 11 years old, and 2) it's a dog. She behaves as though her husband is dying. And actually the dog is doing remarkably well. I don't know, call me callous but I can't get THAT worked up about it. Maybe I am a terrible person as well as terrible wife? Another colleague has a friend who is dying of cancer (a human friend). She is so depressed and carries this little poisonous cloud of doom around with her. It's really terrible. And I can't muster that much sympathy there, either. I have never even met this person. And while it's horrible and grim and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I also can't do a very convincing job of acting like it affects my life in any way. Let's face it, it doesn't. Yup, that seals it. I am a terrible person. And I am kind of okay with that.

that shit will kill you
I just enjoyed some packaged cookies which tasted delicious. then I made the mistake of looking at the ingredient list. It was about 8 miles long and included lots of things that don't sound nice. So I threw it in the trash and will pretend they were made of wheat grass, sugar and air. What's done is done, no use feeling bad now.

what on earth?
I read a LOT of kid books these days. A lot. And while most of them are nice little stories, you realize that a lot of them are kind of jacked. Especially the old ones. When was the last time you read Goodnight Moon? It is actually kind of freaky. I mean, who IS the old lady whispering hush? Would you want someone in your room at night who you refer to as "old lady"? And why aren't kids terrified of her? And Baby Lizard has a book called Little Fur Family which is horribly written. I mean, it's awful. It contains the phrase "A little tiny tiny fur animal. The tiniest fur animal in the world." Let me get this straight - is it tiny? And then it says "It was a wild wild wood. Wild winds blew through the trees and wild nuts grew on the wild nut trees." Wait, is it wild? And my kid is currently obsessed with a garden book which contains an unwritten story of a snake chasing a chipmunk (which gets away, but it's touch and go). If I were her I would be scared, but Baby Liz is tough and just looks at the pictures and says "Hi, Snake." Anyway, once you start reading these books again you will all see what I am talking about. The world of children's literature is crazy.

nice going
If you are going to ride your bike, don't talk on your cell phone. And if you are going to try to talk on your cell phone while riding your bike, don't try to cross a three lane road while the light is against you. And you are going to ride your bike while on your phone and try to duck through traffic, then watch out for those railroad tracks. Because when your tire gets stuck in there and you have to jump off your bike in the middle of traffic that is going to suck. And I am just going to look at you for the fool that you are.

dollface
Today I was heading in to the women's room and someone was on her way out. We startled each other since we were entering/exiting at exactly the same second. After recovering, she holds the door for me and says "go ahead Dollface." What? Dollface? Why one EARTH would she call me that? It makes no sense. She is my age. My face does not look like a doll's. She is not someone's creepy uncle or out of a 40s movie. People are weird.

Comfortable
I was walking in to the farmer's market with Baby Liz in her stroller the other day. This guy is behaving kind of strangely. All of a sudden, he rubs his stomach looking vaguely like he ate bad Chinese and says "Are you feeling any discomfort?" "No." "Yeah, you look really comfortable." Stop talking to me. He said some other stuff but I kept walking because I do not need to talk to weird strangers about my pregnancy. I heard him talking to someone else later and I am pretty sure he was talking about being in rehab. I am inclined to think it didn't work.

november 4
Did you know that there are people that think that if we are all just good Christians then God will fix the economy? And stop global warming? And cure all that ails us? Well, there are. And they vote. SO if you think that maybe, just maybe, it will take more than prayer to get us out of the mess we're in, might I suggest that you vote as well. November 4. Don't miss it.

p.s.
and just so you don't miss my posts about being tired of being called big, the other day someone at work told me I had better have my baby soon or else I am going to tip over forward. um...thanks. asshole.