is it just me?

I finally got on facebook. Of course I know I am like the last old person on earth to jump on the bandwagon. I had never done it because I just didn't understand the point. I couldn't get anyone to explain any real utility of it for me. So, I never did it. And then someone sent me some videos for work which finally pushed me over the edge, and now I have facebook. And I hate it. I was right - there is no point. I mean, in theory the point is social networking, but I don't actually network. I get random requests from people I went to high school with me and then we are "friends" but they never actually send you an email to catch up or anything. And there are all these annoying things you can send to people but I don't want them and I don't want to send them to anyone else. And the people that I know that are actually on there and using it all the time are people that, for the most part, I fell out of touch with for a reason. Or else they are like me and they don't really do much with it so it is not helping us keep in touch. And sure, I like being able to look at people's pictures and snoop around their lives, but that gets old kind of quickly. Especially since most people I know don't seem to do much updating so once you've looked at their photos you're done. And while I would like to actually be back in touch with some of the people that are now my 'friends' on facebook, it really doesn't lend itself to that.

Here's the other thing - it's just a way to try and impress people. You want to have the most friends, and prove that you like good movies and read good books and are an interesting person. And you need to find a profile picture of you looking absolutely fabulous. Find the best picture taken of you in the last five years and throw it up there. I mean, is everyone's favorite movie really The Godfather? Are your hobbies really reading and hiking? Maybe, but I doubt it. I have not filled out any of this stuff because I don't like the pressure. Well, to be fair, I hate doing 'favorites' in general because I don't have a favorite anything. Not for any good reason, it's just not really how my brain works. I could watch the movie High Fidelity almost any time. I have seen it a million times, and I always enjoy it. Is it my favorite movie? I don't know. It's a movie I can stand to watch a lot. I think it's good. And if I did make a facebook list it would probably be on there. But most people list things with an eye to what other people think, and frankly I don't need it. No one lists TV as a hobby but I bet they all watch more tv than they read books or hike. I'm just saying. But mostly I think it is boring. And I am too lazy to figure out how it all works so I will retire with my six friends and move on.

don't spend it all in one place

Property taxes are very high in my fair city, but it's a nice place so we kind of forgive them. This year we paid our taxes, and I must have miscalculated in the check I wrote to go with the check we got from the bank, because I overpaid. By 9 cents. I paid a total of more than $5000 (and I have a small house), but they paid me back the extra 9 cents. They sent me a check for $0.09. How ridiculous is that? How much more than 9 cents did it cost them to process that? The stamp alone is nearly four times the value. Not to mention the envelope, printing costs, whatever. And I am sure it is automatic and if I overpay some box gets clicked and they send out a check, but seriously. How ridiculous. I was going to just recycle it since it didn't even seem worth a trip to the bank, but then we were afraid they would have to mail us some notice about how we didn't cash the check and (god forbid) send us a replacement, so I put it in my account. And promptly spent it all in one place.

ha! it ISN'T just me after all
I traveled to Washington, DC this week for business. It was lovely to get out of Wisconsin for a bit, and it was even kind of warm there. I didn't work that hard, I ate some good food, saw some old friends. All in all a roaring success. Anyway, on my flight there, people were very cranky. The plane is tiny which always makes people a little salty, but everyone was so grouchy. The woman behind me was vowing to never fly Northwest again because she was only allowed one carry on (see aforementioned tiny plane). There was a crazy old woman sitting just ahead of me who needed the stewardess. Instead of pressing the nice button that exists solely for this purpose she literally screams down the aisle "Miss, can you come here I need some help!" She requested a seatbelt extender which they did not have so she was moved to a different seat which she found to be totally unacceptable. I bet her seat mate has never been so happy to see someone go. At one point the guy next to me and I exchanged glances and he said "people need to calm down". haha. I often wonder if I am super judgy and hard on the world, and I am, but I don't think I am alone. And to prove this, as I disembarked everyone on there was sitting there talking about all the cranky people on the plane. HA! It is so totally not just me. This is great news.

An aside about the return trip, I had just finished reading a book on the plane and it was sitting in the seat next to me. The stewardess notices it and says she likes the cover. She asks what it was about, and whether it was good. Then she says maybe she will read it because she likes the cover and (this is an exact quote) "I always judge books by the cover". hahahaha.

I wonder
Occasionally, not nearly often enough in fact, I write down things I want to write about in here. Usually on tiny scraps of paper, sometimes they are meaningful at a later date and sometimes not. The other day I found one that said "Jennifer Lopez and three English dogs". It's a shame I have no idea what I was talking about because it sounds kind of funny.

apparently the City of Madison has decided to surrender to the snow. We have waved our white flag, declared winter the winner, and now will proceed to stay indoors for the foreseeable future. Yesterday we got some ice and then some snow, which as you might guess is not a particularly favorable combination for driving or, say, staying upright. Rather than even try to contend with such nastiness, everything closed. The buses stopped running, shopping centers closed, churches canceled services. It was big fat 'stay home' which is very out of character for us Wisconsinites, but I think everyone is just too tired to deal. So, we didn't. Well, I did make Mr. Lizard go to the grocery store since I wasn't sure how long baby lizard would last on dried out baby carrots and ketchup. And since she asks for milk approximately 876 times per day and we were out, I was pretty sure I would lose my mind if we didn't do some shopping. We may freeze to death but we might as well be well fed when it happens. Anyway, Mother Nature is seriously pissed off and I think we can all agree (tornadoes anyone? forest fires? droughts?) that this is not a good thing.

mr. mom
On Friday I went over to the apartment of an acquaintance to borrow something for baby Lizard. This woman also has a kid about the same age. I was planning to grab and go, but when she invited me in for tea (seriously?) I felt somewhat compelled to be cordial since she was lending me something. The next half hour was exceedingly awkward. First, she decided we would sit at the table and drink tea and hope that our children would quietly entertain themselves. Which they probably should be able to, but baby lizard does not really feature entertaining herself if she thinks there is any chance you might be leaving without her, and she always thinks there is some chance of this despite the fact that she really never gets left anywhere except daycare. So, I try to carry on a civilized conversation while drinking my tea but the truth is 1) we don't have much of anything to talk about, 2) this woman seems to be in a pretty bad mood, possible permanently, and 3) we are trying to entertain toddlers from a distance. Then her husband came home which was even more awkward. I have met him before, and do not get a good vibe off of him at all. We have never had much of a conversation, but we have been at two social functions, one of which was only two weeks ago. There we actually sat at the same table has their family while we ate dinner. However, when she says "do you know Lizard?" he says no. And not in a "yeah, but I can't quite place you/don't remember your name" kind of way, but in a 'I have never seen this person in my entire life and why is this alien being in my living room' kind of way. It was completely bizarre. And when I said "We met at the potluck" instead of acknowledging this with some sort of excuse he just looked at me as if to say "nope, don't remember you AT ALL". And while I am not particularly memorable (I only have one head) I don't think of myself as completely unmemorable either.

I remember EVERYONE. This is kind of a curse. In fact, sometimes I pretend not to remember people because remembering them would be weird. Because I know that I have an unusually good memory for people, I sort of expect that lots of people I remember won't remember me. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and hope for their sake that their memories are spectacularly good at something more useful, like why you came downstairs or what you need at the grocery store. But in this case, I feel there is no excuse. Either he was not paying attention at all and trying to make friends/remember people/be a tiny bit social (which would completely explain why I didn't like the guy, which I could not put my finger on before) or he has some kind of bizarrely deficient memory. But I feel bad for his wife. Though, she didn't really step up either. If Mr. Lizard had been behaving in such an odd manner I certainly would have said something along the lines of "you remember Lizard, we met her at so-and-so's" and given him a lok that said 'please try to act normal'. And because he is a nice, charming person he would say something apologetic and self deprecating and we would all move on. However this guy proceeded to ignore me and I got the hell out of there as fast as I could. She said she wants to have us to dinner but I kind of hope she forgets about that. Though, now I want to test it and see if he sees me again, and the last time was in his home, if he STILL has no clue.

that's enough ranting for now.

I braved the cold and went to see the person that I hope is the next president. I arrived at 6pm, got in a line, and did not enter the doors until 7:15. That's a long time to stand around in the cold by yourself. Fortunately for me, I love eavesdropping. A lot. If eavesdropping were a sport, I would be an olympian. If it were a career path, I would be CEO. Sadly, it is just a hobby, and not a particularly impressive one, though I practice extensively. So imagine my dismay when I realized that the group of people behind me, a full 50% of my eavesdropping opportunity, was speaking japanese. Which I do not speak. Japanese! What are the odds. Anyway, I was in this line which appeared to be necessary but in the end was a colossal waste of time because there was not a single person trying to manage the entrance in any way, shape or form so it was all very chaotic and the line got eaten by the mob. It should be said that I picked up a sandwich on the way, and while I was waiting for my hands to be warm enough to eat it, I put it (wrapped of course) in my coat pocket. In my other coat pocket, since bags were not allowed, I had a book in case I was sitting around for a long time with nothing to do. And as I crossed the street with a sandwich in one pocket and a book in the other, I decided that I had also crossed some line into...what? I don't know exactly. Something along the lines of old/dorky/weird/crazy. And I am pretty sure that I never get to cross back, but oh well. We all knew it was coming.

Anyway, after standing outside trying to get in for more than one hour, which is what happens with the human equivalent of 8000 lanes merging into, say, twenty. At the head of each of these 20 lanes is a "security" person who made us all unzip our coats and gave cursory glances inside purses. I am actually terrified of firearms so of course would not have dreamt of bringing one in, but I will say that if I had wanted to I almost certainly could have. Which is a little terrifying. (Perhaps the lady I work with who is convinced that he is going to be assassinated is getting into my head.) I finally found a seat up in the rafters, saved by the fact that I was traveling alone and a seat had been orphaned mid-row. I had a good view of the stage, which is a benefit when viewing something in a basketball arena since the entire place has been constructed with an eye towards, you know, watching stuff. Anyway these sorts of events are little more than a pep rally, but who doesn't love some pep? It's exciting sitting there with all these other cheering people, participating in democracy. I am a total sucker for that kind of stuff. I love democracy. (Interestingly, I keep mis-typing that as democrazy and while I think there's probably a good joke in there somewhere, I can't find it.) I love to vote. I don't do absentee because I love going to some school, waiting for the little old lady to find my name on the list, handing me my tiny slip of paper, getting that ridiculously giant ballot, going into the 'booth' which is little more than a table with a half assed attempt at a curtain, and using my marker to fill in the arrows. It never gets old. Really. I bring my kid with me to vote. I think it is good for her.

Back to Obama. He is a good speaker, people didn't lie about that. He is inspirational and funny. And he seems like a good person. And he is very magnetic. And maybe he has no idea what he is getting himself into, but what worries me more are the people that do know exactly what they are getting themselves into and the STILL want to do it. Perhaps he is naive and no way will he be able to do everything he says he wants to do, but for me that's okay. And truthfully, it's not like he has to do it all by himself. They don't hand you the keys to the White House and Air Force One and say "good luck!" Just ask the current president. He knows a thing or two about helpers. So, we'll see. Bill Clinton is speaking just around the corner from my office in a half hour, but I can't go (boo to that, since I would like to see him speak again). Wisconsin is going to be very popular in the next few days. And when you see a picture of Bill Clinton speaking in a weird building with a dirt floor, you cannot say that I didn't warn you that things are different here.

more later.

I am trying to decide if I am ready to join Team Obama big time, and what better way to help me decide than to hear him in person. He is coming to Madison tonight, and will speak in the basketball arena. But here's the thing. It's really, really cold out. If I could just walk over and go inside, that would be one thing. But the doors open at 6:15, he won't talk until two hours after that, and some people are getting in line at 3 or 4pm. What? Stand outside for two hours in single digit temps (and snow) and THEN sit inside for two more hours waiting? Umm...well...I don't know about that. And then there's the fact that I might not even get it. Which would be a drag. I can't decide. I sort of want to see him because people say he is a great speaker and truthfully I haven't seen a great speaker in a long, long time. And he could be President, so there's that. I have seen several presidents (though not our current one who hasn't ever come within 100 miles of my crazy hippy town hahahahaha) and it's fun. I can't decide. I know I should go, but I should also eat lots of vegetables and I don't do that either. So, there's that.

those are the greatest?

I am about to make a Mariah Carey reference so I thought I would title this section with one of her songs. But then I realized (somewhat thankfully) that I do not know the title of a single Mariah Carey song. But, I have a bad memory for things like that so I figured I would look it up. According to her greatest hits album, I actually don't know a single one of her songs by name. I know that shrill voice and bad fashion sense anywhere, but I guess she doesn't have catchy names for her songs. Anyway, I read in People last night that Katharine McPhee (who was on American Idol which I only know from People because I don't watch the show) married some producer who is 20 years older than her. How very Mariah Carey of her. The guy is kind of balding and looks like he probably has a lot of money, but why do these girls do this? Seriously, you couldn't find someone nice who is not 20 years older than you? He is 10 years older than me and I bet we have nothing in common. And I am sure there is that whole 'confused over sudden fame and generally making bad decisions' which has brought us such things as 'From Justin to Kelly' and most of the movies Ben Affleck did after Good Will Hunting. But marriage? Shouldn't you be off dating NFL players or something? Anyway, they're going to get divorced. The end.

maybe not the best idea you've ever had
so, I posted a while ago about that Dutch kid that they think killed that girl in Aruba (everyone but People magazine readers is probably thinking huh?). Well, now they have him on tape saying exactly what happened. I guess he was being secretly videoed and admitted it to someone but then says he was just 'telling them what they wanted to hear'. Yeah, that's probably not such a good idea. Pretty much this guy needs to just stop talking indefinitely. Because clearly they don't have any evidence which is why they have let him go about eight times, so if he could just shut his trap his life would be a lot better. Here's a tip: just like you don't joke about having bombs in the security line, you don't confess to a murder that you have been questioned about just to make your friend's day. I'm just saying.

because apparently the only place you're going to see the sun if you live in Wisconsin is in your daydreams. So have at it. This winter has put me in a real pisser of a mood which does not lend itself to good blogging. Not much funny happens as I bundle up and shuttle between house and car, trying to see through my eyes which are watering because of the cold and my glasses which are perennially fogged (I am sooooo cool). So, there you have it. I am sort of trying to snap out of it but pretty much it is not working. However, I have some Friday tidbits for you.

I'm sorry, have we met?

The people I work with, as I have mentioned, are not the most observant. The absent-minded professor is a stereotype not completely without merit. However, it reached new heights last Friday. I overhear two people talking in the hallway "No, no...he went back to Germany." "Really?" "Yeah, he got offered some other job and he left." I peek out and sure enough they are standing in front of an office which was occupied by an Austrian professor who was here for a year (maybe two?) and then left for a job in Germany three years ago. I am not kidding. In fact, someone else occupied that office for more than a year, and has since moved out and it has been vacant since the summer. And somehow, this person, who works in this building, and attends faculty meetings, and should at least have some vague idea of who his colleagues are was SHOCKED to find out this guy was gone. Seriously. This is what I am up against. Oh well, at least it means I can wear the same pair of pants twice in a week without worrying what anyone thinks of me. I should just be happy that no one is introducing themselves to me and asking if I like my new job which I have had for almost five years.

the fine art of being a slacker
I think it is well known that I am not the most dedicated employee around, but that is partly because I can get my work done in less time than I am in my office, so I can slack without doing a bad job. However, it has come to my attention that I have serious competition in the bad worker olympics, coming from an unlikely source. On the first floor is the office for a journal that is edited here, and they have a staff person. She is in her mid fifties (I think) and has had this job for a long time. I have often noticed that I don't see her in her office when I walk by, but have always sort of assumed that she is in a meeting or something. Not so. Apparently, she comes in, turns on her light and her computer, and leaves. The building. In her car. And goes places. No one knows where. But she has figured out, correctly, that if it LOOKS like she is just out for a minute then no one thinks too much of it. Apparently this has been going on for years. A while back, they replaced everyone's light switch with motion sensors, in an attempt to conserve energy. Apparently this woman did not let them put one in her office. Now THAT is serious dedication to being slack. Wow. I have a long way to go.

splish splash
For some reason I decided it would be fun to take baby lizard to swimming lessons. I don't want her to be scared of water, and she sort of seemed to enjoy the pool last summer so I thought 'hey - it might be nice in the middle of winter to spend some time at a steamy indoor pool'. Or, not so much. I show up for my first class last week, and because baby liz is so tiny we are doing the one where parents get in the water too. However, as I am changing into my suit I notice that all of the other moms are dressed. And their kids are a lot bigger than mine. They don't let you out of the locker room until class time, so I am standing there waiting. In my bathing suit. With a bunch of clothed women. Awesome. The only thing more awkward than standing around in your bathing suit is doing so next to a bunch of fully clothed people. So finally I make some crack about it, and it turns out there are several classes there. several of which are kids only. Finally I see some other hapless moms in suits, but I did not get the memo that I am suppose to wear shorts over my swimsuit. what? why? I mean, I don't look that fabulous in a swimsuit, but I am not sure that wearing shorts makes it better. But, all the other moms (no kidding - all of them) are wearing shorts. So I decided then and there that swimming lessons would be a great way for baby Lizard to bond with her dad and from now on he is going in the water with her. So there. As the mean teacher called out the names of all the kids in the class, she looks at me (in my suit) and says "so, will you be going in with her?" and because I am not really capable of being civil I say "no, I dress like this all the time" and she looks at me from her unfortunate wetsuit and says "I do". Boy, this is going to be fun. Also, the water and surrounding pool area were FREEZING. All the kids' teeth were chattering, and I think some of them were turning blue. No kidding. Totally not what I was hoping for. Baby Lizard was acting more like a baby koala, desperately clinging to my neck and tucking up her legs to keep them out of the arctic water. We are skipping class tomorrow. Then only six to go. Money well spent.

and a pack of camel lights, please

this morning I made kind of an embarrassing purchase at the drugstore. it wasn't so much any of the individual items, more the combination. It was worse than the time not long ago when I purchased condoms and diapers at the same time. The cashier gave me a look and I wanted to say "hey - at least I know what got me into this mess, people". But then I was thinking - man the people that work at the drugstore must see some crazy stuff. And they know a lot about you. There is nothing more personal than what a girl buys a drugstore. Well, maybe there is, but not much. Anyway, at least I wasn't buying cigarettes to go with my diapers.

A related story, just before Christmas in the trash can in the bathroom on my floor at work there was a pregnancy test. HA! I am the only person that works on this floor that is still in my child bearing years, and I would rather die than take a pregnancy test at work. Seriously. Clearly it had been done in a hurry, and everything had been torn apart and then cast aside. But somehow, the used test had ended up right on top with the result (negative) visible. haha. I thought things like that only happened in sitcoms. I mean, it was pretty clear that this person was hoping for a negative test. But why wouldn't you at least wrap up the evidence in the drugstore bag (which was cast on the floor). We spent most of the day speculating on who it could have been, decided we had no idea (once I swore a million times that it wasn't me), and went about our business. But it at least was good for a few hours of gossipy fun. And apparently everyone over fifty thinks getting pregnant is very funny and they all like to say "well it's not ME" and laugh.

Oh, a final note about pregnancy (random, I admit). I saw an ad for one of those drug studies and they said they are looking for men and women 18-25, but the women must be post-menpausal or medically sterile (?!). Umm...so basically they want to make sure that there is no way that this person will ever have a child after taking this medicine which means that the drug is no joke, and I, for one, am not interested in being a guinea pig for it. But seriously, are there post-menopausal women under the age of 25? Does that even exist?

let it snow
It snowed 13 inches here on Wednesday. It snowed and snowed and snowed all day long. People were trapped on the interstate for 24 (more?) hours, and everything is mess. The world shut down, but not the university. Despite the fact that buses stopped running, churches cancelled Ash Wednesday services, and the news was telling to you to stay home, the University did not cancel classes until 3:30pm. And then they said that despite all of the above 3rd shift workers were expected to come in to work (too bad for you if you take the bus, and good luck not crashing your car) or take vacation. Bastards. Seriously, you can't say to someone 'hey, since they are saying not to travel if you can help it and to pack emergency supplies if you must leave your house, why don't you just take the night off?' Sheesh.

In honor of the snow and poor road conditions we have decided to drive to the Twin Cities for the weekend. I am excited about a weekend with my in-laws - that is how badly I need a change of scenery. Wish us luck. Happy weekend.