is it just me?

occasionally I go to the campus gym to work out. I go there because it's cheaper than a real gym. the upside is I save money and I don't have to feel bad about not going that much since it isn't too expensive. the downside is I have to work out with a bunch of 19 year olds. this is very very bad for my self esteem. you see, I am not a college student. I am not even a grad student. I am staff. which means (to all those gals in my class) I am OLD.

the teachers are mostly perky 20 years olds with very little to recommend them except they are still young enough to be able to do more than one aerobics class per day. they start every class with "so, how's everybody doin?" in my experience, almost no one ever answers this question. this does not deter them. (I think it must be in the manual. step one: ask them how they are doing. step two: make them march in place to bad music. step three: confuse the hell out of them with complicated routines and secretly laugh.) they will ask that question several times throughout the class, inevitably when you're wanting to die rather than contort your body one more time, and wishing that you had invited your friends to go eat burgers on your lunch hour instead of this nonsense. now, the anticipated response is "woooooo". you're not actually supposed to answer with a feeling, like "old" or "fat" or "good" or whatever. you're just supposed to woo. I refuse. I will only woo at sporting events. (another sign that I was born the wrong gender which I will discuss in a different post.) so they keep asking you, and it gets old. just once I want to call out in my perkiest voice (which truthfully isn't very perky at all due to a lack of practice) "crappy, you?"

usually my bosu instructor who we'll call Mary (because that's her name) does a little monologue at the start of the class. after asking us how we're doing (woo) she says, "so - does anybody know how many days until the end of the semester?" This puts me in a bit of a bad temper because it reminds me that a) I am probably the only person in there who doesn't care when the end of the semester is, and b) that I don't get summer vacation anymore. that is one sad part of working around students. although you can feel smug around midterms, when summer rolls around you remember why people stay in grad for ten years. it's all about the vacation. that and having no boss. after we talk about that, Mary says "so - did you guys hear they set the date for Mifflin?" Mifflin is a block party. It involves a LOT of drinking and bad behavior (woo). Usually people get drunk and stand on porches and throw things. Since we have covered my age (relative to college students) it will come as no great surprise to hear that I don't go to this block party, though I walked by it one year and thought it looked lame. I don't go places where I think there is a good chance I will get something thrown at me. call me crazy.
at this point I realize that these classes are not meant for me. but I have committed.

there are a few bad things about working out with 19 year olds. 1) almost all of them are in better shape than you are. this won't always be true. I can pick out the ones that are going to have huge asses by the time they hit 25, but for the moment both time and gravity are on their sides. the one thing that tempers this is that this is wisconsin and there are a lot of bigger people here. but still, over all, they look pretty good. 2) they look cute even when they work out. when you're young, you care what you look like all the time. you are willing to actually shop for and try on exercise outfits. I try to keep up with the times, but as soon as I am feeling okay about how I look for class I catch a glimpse in the mirror and realize NOPE I look like a huge dork. Just when I was thinking maybe I could blend in with the crowd, I see my gleaming white cross trainers and winter olympics t-shirt mocking me from the mirror. and thus continues the cycle of self loathing.

I keep going back because I really do want to be in shape. that, and once I return to my office, where I am thankfully surrounded by shlumpy academics who for sure have me on intelligence but whose asses I can totally kick in the fitness and style categories, I can sit there and feel superior while I eat the takeout burger I got on the walk back from the gym. woo.