is it just me?

and we're gonna get freaked out.

I went to a wedding this weekend. I have seen quite a few folks get married at this point, but the truth is we're all in it for the reception. but we have to go to the wedding part so we don't feel bad about eating all the food and drinking all the booze. So anyway, this particular wedding was a catholic wedding. Now, I do not have a close personal relationship with organized religion, but I say to each their own. Though, I always leave Catholic services feeling sort of inadequate since I don't know the songs and I don't know when to say "and also with you" or "praise be to God". And it's funny because I don't really even know if my friends are religious or not. I always assumed not but then I found out that the groom's dad is a Presbyterian minister, and I already knew that the bride's family were pretty devout Catholics so maybe I'm wrong. It seems like something I should have known about them before, but I didn't. I still don't, really.

So, this church is newly constructed and quite beautiful. But in the lobby (where they have some announcements and such) there is a picture of a baby in the womb with a caption that says "At six weeks it can suck its thumb." Of course what they're not saying is "and you definitely can't kill something that can suck it's thumb." So immediately there's a little pro-life right in your face. Which is of course allowed, since the church is very clear on that issue and we are, in fact, in a church. But it was a little weird since I felt that I was there to celebrate a happy day, but then felt a little unwelcome because the church and I do not exactly see eye to eye on the who life/choice thing. And then I walk in, and just behind where they are getting married there is a GIANT crucifix. Like life-size. I find the crucifix very troubling. Crosses are nice. Aesthetic. Meaningful. But crucifixes freak me out. I mean, I already feel like a sinner in there. The priest kept saying we were there to celebrate people who seek god and love so clearly this party was not being thrown for me. And then there's a giant, wooden dead Jesus looking down on us. Not really what I want to look at when I am swearing to love someone forever.

I had a flashback to when I lived in Bolivia and my host mother was desperately trying to convert me (yes missionaries, we really have come full circle). So I went to church with her. This was an error. Catholic mass in Bolivia is like three hours long, and we were late so we had to stand, and there was this crucifix. Not just any crucifix, this one had a giant glowing red heart implanted in the chest of Jesus. No kidding. I guarantee every child who has ever set foot in that church has, at one time or another, had a nightmare about that glowing heart.

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On another note about this wedding, there was a guy there who I had met at the groom's birthday party a couple of years ago. Before he arrived I was told that he had gotten married. I think I must have looked surprised, because someone quickly explained that it was an arranged marriage. Not that he couldn't have gotten a wife on his own, but last I saw him he didn't even have a semblance of a girlfriend. So I met his new wife, and I have to say - he totally scored. She's nice, cute, smart, friendly, seems to like him, sense of humor. I mean, I guess I don't really know what you hope for in an arranged marriage. Someone that doesn't drive you crazy? Someone that is nice to you and doesn't beat you up? But honestly, I think this girl was about as good as he could have hoped. I think the idea is you get married and learn to love each other, which is a completely foreign concept to those of us who like to pick things (like fresh produce and husbands). But overall this seemed like a good match. So to them I say congratulations. I have no idea what the point of that was. I guess I just find arranged marriage fascinating.

new york frame of mind

So this wedding was in Wisconsin. I know how people in New York feel about wisconsin. They think it's weird and far and full of farms and just one more thing standing between them and LA. They don't want to come here. It's not a place for vacation. The people are fat, the food is bad and the fashion is worse.

You can spot people from New York from miles away. We first ran in to the New York couple at the tux rental place. They are both casually dressed in the uber hip way that only New Yorkers can do. They look bored even though they've only been here for a couple of hours. I hate them already (though I couldn't tell you why). What I hate even more is people keep saying "Not quite like New York here, is it. Heh heh."

I was at breakfast the next morning with a group of women, Miss New York included. People are making all sorts of dumb remarks about New York. They are talking about how everyone in New York is mean. How it's so busy. "Wow...New York. I don't know how you live there." And this just feeds in to their superiority complex. All us little country bumpkins are scared of the big city. The thing is, although I have no desire to live in New York, I could. I am capable of it. But the truth is if you don't live in New York you don't get it. You're not in the club and you never will be. You'll always feel underdressed, outclassed, and unsophisticated. But only because we think they are all better dressed, classier and more sophisticated than we are. But they're not. They just like to pay a shit ton more for their apartments and eat out every day of the week.

I really have nothing against new yorkers. My sister lives there and she and all her friends are very nice. In fact, I really liked Miss New York by the end of the weekend. But the truth is, she didn't let me like her until she was done impressing me. By the end of the wedding, her boyfriend (Mr. New York) was singing a song called "Let's Dance" to which he did not know the words in a duet with the large, female lead singer of the wedding band. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. He seemed eminently likeable. Just like New York.

One last thing about the wedding. Overall it was a truly fabulous affair. But the last song that the band played (for their encore, and the end of the evening) was Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train". One of the all-time worst wedding band decisions ever.