is it just me?

as I was walking down the street returning from lunch today we came across a car. on the back winshield in what my boss described as a "distressingly brown" color was written the word poo. ew. now, I think they probably used a chocolate cupcake and not actual poo (there was some telltale white frosting on there) but it left me to think "what on earth would possess someone to do that?" if you know, please tell me.

speaking of things that people do that I don't like (it is a very very long list which I really won't get into here): spend too much time naked in the locker room. Now, I understand that locker rooms are inherently naked places. And that's okay. I mean, it's necessary to get from one set of clothes to another, or in and out of a bathing suit. showering should be done naked. but do you have to hang out naked? In the locker room at the campus gym, the young girls are never naked. nope, it's always the old ladies who come for aqua aerobics. and you know, I really didn't need to see them naked. as I choose which row of lockers I want, I have this moment of dread of what I will find lurking around the corner. The worst is old ladies bending over facing away from you. use your imagination.

I find that there are two schools of naked. Since everyone who does not wear the same clothes every day without bathing is naked sometimes, the real question is how long you stay naked, and what is on the list of appropriate activities to do while in such a state. In a locker room, these two camps become clearly identified. There are people like myself who try to get dressed as quickly as possible, and try to generally face the direction where you think you are least likely to come face to face with a fully clothed stranger (one of life's more uncomfortable naked moments). There are other people who will meticulously dry off, put on lotion, dry their hair, talk to their friends, and generally gallivant around before ever donning an article of clothing. To each their own, but I still wish I didn't have to see so many naked old ladies. Really.

Here's another little locker room debacle. I used to work out a gym that was only for women. Not surprisingly, there were a large number of lesbians at this gym. And inevitably there were a number of lesbian couples. The odd thing is one goal behind an all women's gym is to make it a non-threatening, non-sexual atmosphere. But there were a few very demonstrative couples, who were advertising their sexuality (though of course not having sex) in the locker room, where (as mentioned above) a lot of women were naked. Now, does this compromise the effect of the single-sex gym? I have to say that I, personally, feel less threatened by working out next to men most of whom are probably not interested in me than I do showering with a bunch of women who might be. call me crazy.

i've never
many many years ago in Ecuador I was playing a rousing game of "I've never" with a bunch of other underage drinkers. If you don't know the rules it goes like this: each person says something they've never done and if you have done it you drink. As with all drinking games the goal is to get people to drink as much as humanly possible, so you try to think of things that you haven't done that you think others have. At one point a woman walks in doing her best Carmen Miranda impersonation (in real life she probably did not have fruit on her head, but in my memory she certainly did) and my friend (whose turn it was) said "I've never worn an outfit quite like that". I think of this often, whenever I see a particularly unusual ensemble. Like the other day when my coworker, who is a tall not skinny woman, wore an aqua pantsuit. She looked like a giant easter egg. Or last night in the Whole Foods parking lot, where a chubby woman in her 50s in mirrored sunglasses was wearing a t-shirt that said :BoDeans Athletic Dept. It's funny enough that they even make such a t-shirt, but the fact that this lady saw it and thought - that would be perfect for me! is even funnier. I encourage you to start looking around, because at least once per day you will see someone wearing something hilarious. The all-time best was I was in a town in rural Bolivia and there was a woman sweeping off her steps in a t-shirt that read (in English) "I'd rather do it than watch it!" good times.