is it just me?

I have two stories about boozing. Not my own, but other peoples. On Friday night we were in a campus bar with some friends. There was a gigantic bouncer. I mean, this guy had to be 6'6", 300 lbs. Not someone you want to mess with. But all of a sudden he and this super drunk guy who had been at the bar are down in three point stance, facing each other like football linemen. Now the bar patron was of below average stature. I could not for the life of me imagine what he was thinking, though it was evident that whatever he was thinking he was not thinking it all that clearly. So he spends what seems like forever getting ready. I figure he has been foolish enough to challenge the bouncer to some weird physical challenge and we are all eagerly watching to see this guy get flattened. They keep talking about "the line" so I assume they have designated a line he has to cross. After what seems like forever, the little guy says "Ready? Go!" and proceeds to dive through the bouncer's legs and cross 'the line'. So, he wins. It was actually a pretty ingenious strategy since if he had attempted anything that involved force he certainly would have lost, and if he had attempted anything that involved agility or coordination he also would have lost. So, points to the drunk guy.

A waitress who had been watching this said "that's what happens when you sign your credit card receipt 'fuck you'". That is classic. The guy has been sitting there drinking likely for hours, they finally ask him to pay up and that's what he does. Hilarious. He then apparently also raised a chair towards the bouncer (bad, bad, bad idea) but apparently was saved from being thrown straight out the door on his ass by the fact that he knows the owner of the bar.

A side note: twice in relatively recent memory I have dared people to do things without actually intending them to do so, and they have done it. Now that I know how willing people are to take dares, I will start coming up with better ones. But on Friday night prior to the aforementioned incident I dared my friend (who was already a couple of martinis deep) to go ask the bouncer (yes, the giant one) to dance with her to that timeless classic "Unskinny Bop". She promptly walks over and asks him. He declined, and although we were dejected we used our free time to contemplate the meaning of unskinny bop. My friend suggested perhaps it was a song for full figured ladies who like to rock out. Maybe, though I kind of doubt it.

On Monday I was walking down the street and I see two guys and two bicycles. One guy is sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, and the other is messing with the chain of a bike. The other bike is just laying there. The fixer says "well, I think you're all set" and lays down the bike in the middle of the road and pedals off. The second guy starts to stand up and it becomes clear that he is very, very drunk. It appears that the now fixed bike is his which mean he potentially is planning to ride it which seems like a very very bad idea, but I decide it's his problem. About a block later I am standing waiting at the bus stop. After a couple of minutes the drunk guy arrives on his bike, having somehow managed to power it for a block. Fortunately he has now decided to take the bus. I have made the unwise decision to sit inside the little hut at the bus stop, and he comes in and starts talking to me. I swear the air around him must be flammable solely from the fumes that are pouring off of his body. He is nearly comprehensible, though is quite intent on talking to me. He keeps telling me that he needs to talk to his girlfriend, and I think about what a lucky, lucky lady she is. He then starts trying to talk to a college kid who is blowing him off. After standing up to confront him, and then remembering the he can't really stand up, he sits down as close to me as humanly possible and keeps talking. Just as I am beginning to wonder if I might actually pass out from the smell of someone who is actually drowning in alcohol and seems to be decidedly unfond of showering, he decides to get on the bus, despite the fact that it is not going where he wants. Miraculously he manages to get his bike onto the rack on the front of the bus, and off he goes into the sunset.

In summary:
Boozing on Friday night: Good
Boozing so much on Friday night that you pick a fight with Tony Siragusa but are not so drunk that you still win: Risky, but good
Boozing on Monday afternoon: Generally not a great idea
Boozing so much on Monday afternoon that you are riding a bike drunk at rush hour: Bad

If you want to read a funny book about hard core boozing and giving it up, check out Dry by Augusten Burroughs. It is a very enjoyable read.

just because it's free doesn't mean it's good

I was walking down the street on Tuesday and I see a middle aged woman riding a bicycle with a large seat attached, and two adults riding in it. I cannot imagine what is going on. They appear to be able bodied. It's a nice day out. It's not a place where you would go sightseeing. What on earth are they doing? As I turn around to get one final glance, I see a sign attached that says "Free Rides for Grad Students". What on earth. Now, I know that grad students like free stuff. Even more than undergrads, since they're just as poor but don't have their parents to support them. This time of year when the students come back there's always tons of free stuff. Free newspapers, free freeze pops (I don't know, as campus ministries), free keychains, free drinks, etc. But I have never heard of something like this. When I get to the center of campus, I see a tent labeled "GRADitude" sponsored by some health insurance company. There is a guy on a megaphone saying "Free water. " Normal. "Free granola bars." Yummy. "Free pens." Useful. "Free pedicab rides." What the fuck. I have no idea why. It was a beautiful day out, perfect for walking across campus. And I felt totally humiliated for the people I saw riding down the streets. Fortunately they didn't get many takers. But remember this: you don't have to do things, even if they're free.

On my walk I also saw a tiny, weather-beaten sticker that said "Sorry I got that song stuck in your head." I thought it was funny because recently I have had a problem with songs (or rather two lines of songs) getting stuck in my head. I can't figure out how to stop them. Suggestions are appreciated.