is it just me?

Yesterday afternoon I went to a step aerobics class. Call me Jane Fonda, but I rather like step. Anyway, I was afraid that it would be full of 18 year olds because this particular gym is right next to a bunch of freshman dorms. I decided that if that was the case I would just leave. But I get there and it's not like that at all. But something seems strange. The teacher is talking and I feel as though something is not right. And then I realize - the teacher is a guy. Now, you may not think this is all that strange. But I have been to a LOT of aerobics classes over the years, and I have never ever had a boy step teacher. Sometimes they teach group weightlifting. And lots of boys teach spinning. And maybe cardio kickboxing, or the "boot camp" which is really a class and which I am totally afraid of. But not step. It's just so...girly. Usually there aren't even boys in the class, though oddly enough yesterday there were two (out of about 15 total people).

So, the truth is, this boy step teachers was pretty effeminate. In a very musical theatre sort of way. In fact, I missed the part where he introduced himself so I decided to call him Pippen. I don't really know anything about Pippen but somehow it suited him. Unfortunately he was a little too peppy. "You come here to have fun! You come here to be motivated! Let's see you smIIIIIle. " Oh for pete's sake. I come here to burn off the calories I drank last night. And those of you who are long term readers may remember a post where I said aerobics teachers like to ask how you are and you are supposed to woo. Well, last night he asked us how we were. No response. And then he says (and I swear I am not making this up) "Come on you guys, you have to WOO!" And there is something kind of awful about hearing a 20-something guy say "Over the top!" in his best Jim J. Bullock impersonation. I mean, the peppy girls are bad but at least you can imagine that they were former cheerleaders and just need an outlet for all that positive energy. The other bad thing was that this was the first time the guy had ever taught step. He was not all that good at it. It was too easy, which meant there was a lot of repetition which is bad because it gives you time to think about how awful it is that you are stepping up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down. Oh well, he tried.

The other funny thing was I moved my step a couple minutes into class because I realized I was craning my neck to see the teacher. I put it behind one of the guys in the class who was kind of a slick looking gentleman (as in slicked back hair). So apparently in his mind I had moved to be closer to him, which meant he wanted to keep checking me out to see if I was checking him out (which I was not). Funnier still was that every time he tried to turn around and check me out he would get confused and mess up, which didn't make that great of an impression.

sports

I love sports. Much more than your average girl. I particularly favor baseball and college basketball (as in I take time off for March Madness) but I will watch almost anything. I like to watch golf. I don't especially care for football, though I will cheer for the Packers and the Badgers. Anyway, I know a lot about sports. But I have decided that I really should never, ever play sports. Ever again.

So, in high school I played sports. I wasn't that good, but it was high school. I played four years of softball one one of the most consistently god awful teams ever put together. We sucked. Big time. Then, for one year I played volleyball. Truthfully, it is a shame I didn't play more volleyball because it was one of the only sports that I think I have a small amount of natural talent for. Anyway, I played and I enjoyed it. Sort of. I am really not a very competitive person, so the whole competition thing mostly gave me stomachaches. I even played softball in college for our club team, but really I wasn't that good. So then once I left school I mostly stopped playing sports. I played a season or two on a couple of softball teams, but I hadn't really played in years. Then I made some friends with some sports players, and all of a sudden thought I could play. I joined a co-ed volleyball team last winter. It was okay - I mean, I'm no Karch Kiraly but I didn't totally humiliate myself. Then I started playing racquetball. I had played in college but not really at all since. I'm not that good. At all. I entered a tournament. I lost to a thirteen year old. I retired from racquetball. I remembered how much I hate competitive sports. Then, for some reason, when a friend asked me to play on a co-ed softball team I said yes. I don't know why. I shouldn't have done it. But I did. The season is almost over. I have done very little to redeem myself. A handful of RBIs. A couple of runs scored. That's about it. And they make me play outfield. It is worth mentioning here that I have no depth perception. Well, not none but so little that I failed that part of the eye exam at the dmv. So outfield, not so much. What makes it worse is that my husband is extremely athletic. Everyone wants him on their team. He's good at everything. It doesn't matter if he's never played before. So he always tries to get me to play sports. No more. I am not falling for it. I will stick to my little aerobics classes. Yoga. Anything where you can't cause other people to lose. Because although I don't care about losing, usually other people on my team do. And frankly, I don't need that kind of pressure. So I will sit on my butt and cheer for the red sox and eagerly await the college basketball season and sell all my sports equipment at my next yard sale just so I don't get tempted. I am officially retiring from everything. the end.