is it just me?

Has it really been a month already? Well, I apologize for that. After traveling to Philly, I got a surprise trip to Napa Valley for my birthday. I didn’t know where I was going until we got to the gate for our connecting flight. We met up with a good old friend of mine, and spent the weekend gallivanting around the countryside. It was very nice weather out there and we drank a lot of wine and generally enjoyed the impending doom of turning 30. While there we went to a spa that advertises “cedar enzyme baths”. They are almost as weird as they sound. Actually, they are weirder. The bath involves no water. You sit in this giant wooden box (kind of like a deep sandbox) filled with wood chips. It’s hot because they’re fermenting. (I told you it was weird.) If you can get over the smell it’s actually kind of enjoyable. You are completely submerged (except your head of course) in this hot wood (it’s more like sawdust really). It’s kind of relaxing, though it is a bitch to rinse off. Then we had massages and after that I actually felt like I was dangerously relaxed. So relaxed that I might wander into traffic or accept bags from and unknown person at the airport. However, if you are in the Sonoma area and up for a different type experience, you should check out Osmosis.

So that was fun, and then I was back in Madison very briefly before Thanksgiving, which was uneventful. The day after I actually turned 30, which was also uneventful. And a few days after that I went to Budapest. I had a conference there for work, which involved a bunch of people from the former Soviet republics sitting around talking about how things still don’t work in their countries. I listened to most of this in simultaneous translation making it even more boring. There was this big old guy from Ukraine who I guess is sort of important. He was sitting there clicking his pen down and then watching it bounce up, you know, like you do when you’re really bored and you forget how loud that actually is. It’s slowly driving everyone mad, but people are kind of afraid to say anything. So finally, in a moment of genius, the guy next to him asks to borrow his pen. Ha! Perfect. He pretends to write things down. But not 10 seconds later, the Ukrainian picks up a bottle cap and starts spinning it and watching it fall. The pen borrower now has a dilemma. He can’t decide which is more annoying. He decides to return the pen, and the Ukrainian immediately goes back to clicking, until an American (you knew it would be) told him to stop. The end.

The problem with conferences that are translated is that humor and improvisation really don’t translate well. And everyone knows this, so they stick to a basic script which means all the presentations are boring. As proof that you should not try to make jokes, one guy did and the translation went something like this “There was a joke that Csaki told….something about geese….(silence until the speaker gets back on topic).” Wow. Now THAT’S funny.

Anyway, Budapest is nice. It has some lovely old buildings along the river. I went to the baths. To be honest, I was a little disappointed. I don’t really know what I expected, but not lukewarm water filled with naked old Hungarian ladies. I wasn’t sure if you were supposed to wear a bathing suit, and I saw a bunch of people wearing them, so I wore mine. But most people don’t it turns out. Truthfully, it makes sense not to since it is mineral water and is supposed to have curative properties so you don’t want to block it with lycra. Anyway, they say that the people at the bath I went to speak English, but they don’t really. I mean, they know only the words they need to conduct their job. Do not stray from the script. When I was done, I wanted a towel. They did not want to give me one until they were absolutely sure I was finished and would not be going in any more water. The four foot tall Hungarian giving them away kept looking at me and saying “Swimming pool NO. Swimming pool NO.” I had no intentions of going in a swimming pool, so I snatched the towel and ran. After a bit more walking around in the rain I headed to Paris.

My sister lives in Paris in a fabulous apartment in a fancy part of town. Paris is very civilized. And very expensive. We walked around and shopped and ate good food and went to a grand total of zero tourist attractions. I saw the e Eiffel Tower from very far away, and I saw Notre Dame from not that far away. And of course the river. And that was about it. Unfortunately, this time of year it rains a lot in Europe, so I am not sure it was the best time to visit. BUT my plane on the way home was more than half empty, so that means it IS a good time to go to Europe. Much better than the trip there where I was seated next to a hapless young mother and her 18 month old who she had no way to either restrain or entertain, making for a very long flight.

Speaking of flights, it seems that all the stewardesses on other airlines are, in general, younger, more attractive, and much nicer than those on US flights. We have a bunch of disgruntled middle aged women who seem decidedly uninterested in service (I know they say they are primarily there for your safety, but let’s be honest with ourselves), whereas all the other airlines have hot young women. Take KLM. It’s all pretty, young, blond Dutch women who are unfailingly nice. In fact, there was a belligerent guy on one of my flights who was being a pain about something and the stewardess kept saying “Can you please try to be a little bit kind, sir. Please. Try to be a little bit kind.” I have a feeling those are NOT the words that would have come out of the mouths of the ladies working my Northwest flight from Minneapolis to Amsterdam. And, they lost my luggage and gave me: a kit filled with toiletries, socks and a new clean t-shirt, AND coupons for miles, food in the airport and a discount on my next flight. All this and they only lost my luggage for a matter of hours. Last Christmas my luggage was lost for 12 days and I am not even sure I got an apology. The lesson here: move to the Netherlands. And, if you find an airline with hotter flight attendants than LAN Chile let me know.

Anyway, that’s the speed version of the last month. More later.