is it just me?

hello? is anybody there? well, it's been more than a year, a year spent primarily trying to figure out how to keep my head screwed on after the arrival of baby lizard, who is now old enough to wear corduroys and say really insightful things like 'all gone' and 'flower'. very exciting, I know. so what has possessed me to come back after all this time, after all three of my readers have long since forgotten me? was it the middle aged ladies in my workout class that were lusting over ROTCs in the locker room? my need to discuss a coworker's suspicious behavior with a student? the lady in the grocery store who weighed 300lbs and had not one but two flavors of marshmallow pies in her cart? perhaps all of the above. for my rage at the universe has not subsided. one might think I would be softened by motherhood, but alas I am just as judgey as I always was. maybe a teeny, tiny bit less judgey about parents than I used to be, but not much. because of course I am doing a better job of parenting than, well, everyone so it's hard not to see the mistakes of others.

I think my husband will be very happy to know that I have resurrected this thing so he doesn't have to listen to me complain about whatever random topic is my fixation for the day. If you're reading this that means at least one person has found their way back to me. And otherwise I will just pretend that someone is paying attention and keep drinking plenty of wine.

it's hard to know what to put in the first post in 15 months, but we'll start here: two Sundays ago I went to yoga. Just before yoga there is a class called Zumba which is an aerobics class based on latin dance. While I think my gangly white butt might fare slightly better in this class than in hip hop, I still think the results might be somewhat unfortunate for all involved. As the class is letting out I see the peppy instructor from my strength class, who I sort of imagine is named Jen. I ask her if she teaches Zumba, and she says no, but she just got instructor training. So, making conversation I ask if she went to the teacher training the week before (stick with me, I swear this story has a point) and she says, peppy as ever, "Yeah! Were you there?" I mean, it was sweet of her really, to intimate that I maybe, possibly could do something as fit and coordinated as teach a Zumba class, but seriously...that is never, ever going to happen. And anyone with two functioning eyes who has seen me do any sort of athletics-related activity would definitely know that. But I just smiled and said "No way." I suppose I should be flattered that after weeks of watching me lift my little 6lb weights in a room full of middle-aged secretaries that she thought I might be qualified for such an endeavor. but let's face it: the lizard teaching aerobics is about as good an idea as the movie Jersey Girl. Enough said.