is it just me?

I need to renew my driver's license today, since it expires in one week. So this morning I was thinking that maybe I should give at least a little, tiny bit of thought to what I was wearing since I will have to look at it all the time for the next eight years. But then I realized that I actually have NO IDEA what I am wearing in my current driver's license photo, which I have had for at least three years. And then I thought that I should probably try to get my hair to look good, and then I realized that I really don't care. When did this happen? I mean, I think I used to care. Part of it is that now that I am old enough that I rarely get carded (waaah), I don't show my driver's license that much. I mostly focus on it when I am at the airport, but at that point I am much more focused on how I am going to most efficiently take off my shoes, pull out my computer, fold my stroller, show my shampoo and all that other b.s. at security that I don't really care about my license. Though, the nice old security guy at my local airport LOVES to comment. He looks at mine and says "you grew your hair out!" which I did. Maybe this is how he passes the time? Anyway, I have realized that I care more about being warm than I do about looking dorky in a snow hat, and I care more about not being late than I do looking like a spaz running across the street just ahead of the light. And maybe this is just because I am getting old and maybe it is because when you work and have a kid you don't really have that much time to worry about lots of things like that. You are happy if you make it to work in mostly clean clothes that fundamentally match (usually I do even better than that!) at a reasonable time with no major snafus. And sometimes I worry that all these years in an academic department in the Midwest are taking their toll on my sense of style and self pride in how I look, but then I also think: until I go somewhere else there's really no point in worrying. No one here is going to notice anyway, so I might as well keep it easy and basic and focus on, you know, showing up.

Tuesday was Baby Lizard's first ever "school" (daycare) picture. This is funny to me, since she is only 15 months old, but whatever. She woke up very late, and therefore did not get a bath before pictures as I had intended. Oops. And as I was taking off her jacket I realized she had yogurt in her hair. nice. So now, her first picture, which we will dutifully display proudly and save forever, will show her that not only had her mother let herself go, but she was the kind of mother that let her child go to her very.first.picture.day.EVER with yogurt in her hair. And while I feel bad about it, I also think well, you might as well know that you were not the child who was always in perfect matching outfits with not a speck of anything on your face and pleasant smile. Sadly, that is not you. There is only one other girl in her class. On picture day she was wearing an adorable little purple corduroy dress with a matching shirt and patent leather shoes. Baby Lizard was wearing a brown t-shirt and some blue jeans, and while I think she looked adorable, she looked quite regular. oops. I guess I forgot about the dressing up part. And I feel bad because really she is too young to already not be caring how she looks, but since she can't really care on her own behalf that is one of my primary responsibilities as her mother. to make her looked well loved, well cared for, clean, etc. I mean, she still dresses better than I do on a daily basis, but I feel like I am dropping the ball. oh well, the good news is that apparently she handled the photo shoot like a professional, and I can only hope that the photo will capture her inner fabulousness and you won't even notice the rest of it. if you are very good perhaps I will post the pic, yogurt and all.