is it just me?

right. so. where was I? First, as I mentioned not long ago, Mother Nature is pissed. We just had our second "100 year flood" in the last 10 months. Well, not here in Madison. I mean, we have too much water but we are lucky enough that our city is not underwater. But others, they are not so lucky. There are fires and droughts in California, the midwest (and all our corn) is underwater and it is 100 degrees everywhere else. So, I think maybe global warming is real. I'm just saying.

Last week I escaped the deluge and went back to L.A. the weather actually wasn't as nice and I learned about something called 'June gloom' which means it is kind of foggy and not that warm. Alas. The good news is that it was sunny and beautiful for my friends wedding, held at an amazing spot in Malibu with a lovely view of the ocean. So, you know, if you could afford a house on a cliff with a view, and you didn't have to work or drive on the PCH, maybe living there wouldn't be so bad! We rode a shuttle bus to the wedding with a bunch of the groom's relatives from Chicago. They are a fun bunch, but were literally screaming as the bus climbed a hill to the wedding site. Granted, it was a steep hill and a dirt road, but when people say "we're from the Midwest! we're not used to this!" it makes me cringe, since everyone else seems to think we are country bumpkins. oh well, whatever.

I decided to save a little bit of cash and share a room with a high school friend at a cheapier hotel. Let me say I now remember why I have a tendency not to scrimp on hotels. The problem is, the difference in quality vs. the difference in price is not usually worth it. There really aren't any 'cheap' hotels in Santa Monica. Well, actually this was a motel but it still isn't what I would call cheap. The website featured pictures which I now realize are computer renderings which made the place look nice and, well, it wasn't. It WAS clean, and it was in a good location, but in this case you didn't even really get what you paid for. You got a poorly soundproofed room with absolutely no amenities (unless you are willing to wash your hair with 'European Hair and Body Wash' from a shower dispenser). And some neighbors that decided that it would be a good idea to have a screaming match in the courtyard at 3 a.m. Seriously. There was a lot of door slamming involved and at one point the guy said "I'm outta here!" and I thought 'thank the lord' and then the girl is screaming "Come back here!" and I really thought I might cry if he did. Actually, he did once, and then left again shortly thereafter. Anyway, it was a strange place and it seemed like some old lady lived in one of the rooms, and one other one looked like a dorm room? Honestly, I have no idea. But, the beds were not uncomfortable and the shower was okay, and while I might have appreciated a black-out shade to help me sleep past 6:30am I survived.

Since our lovely rooming establishment did not have hair dryers, I made an appointment to have my hair washed and dried for me. This has to be one of life's great luxuries (and in LA it is for sure a luxury because it will cost you $45). And because it is LA, my stylist was a Mexican man. I am nearly positive that there are no male hairstylists from Acapulco (really! that's where he is from! I asked him if he had even been on the Love Boat) in Wisconsin. Of course, I can't be positive, but I think it's a safe guess.

I saw an old friend of Mr. Lizard's when I was there. He asked me when I was going to move to LA. Again with people that think you surely must be looking for some way out of Wisconsin. And of course why wouldn't you want to move to some over-priced, over-populated, trafficky, smoggy city? With your kids. And no job. And no family nearby. Honestly, people, I am glad if you love it where you live, but stop trying to convince me it is better than where I live! At least not until you come visit. (In the summer.) I don't try to convince you to move to Wisconsin, and the least you can do is stop assuming that if I only had a choice I would instantly move to Southern California. Because I do have a choice, and I wouldn't. I also find it irritating that it would never, ever occur to any of our friends to come visit us here. Literally, my friend's husband says to her "If we go to Milwaukee to see my friends we should hook up with these guys!" and she looks at him and right in front of me says "Why would we go to Wisconsin?" Um...thanks. I mean, I knew the adoring masses wouldn't be pounding down our doors when we decided to move here, but I did not think that it would be absolutely unfathomable to everyone we know (including our family until Baby Lizard came along) to come visit us. Really: it's nice here. (In the summer.) And until you are willing to haul your ass out here and see for yourself, stop judging. Sorry. Apparently I was more upset about that than I realized. I just need to stop going to LA. And, now I will. Twice in two months is enough for me.

On my return trip I was looking forward to enjoying my diet coke and a magazine (and the thrill of traveling without a two year old on my lap) and I arrived at my seat to find...a two year old sitting in it. Was this some cruel joke? Actually, he was 3 years old, and to his credit he was very well behaved, and was lulled to sleep by some video. [Note: if you travel with a small child and do not have a portable dvd player, get ye to a big box store and buy one toute de suite. You will not regret the purchase.] Interestingly, the people in front of me, and behind me, all had kids most of whom were very well behaved. Including the little guy in front of me who barely made a peep despite the fact that his parents did not do one single thing to entertain him for the duration of our FOUR HOUR flight. Well, he got a pack of oreos at the beginning, one tiny tractor to play with, and other than that his mother sat there reading magazines and his dad looked out the window. The whole time. I found it astounding and baffling and kind of disturbing. Because if you are willing to allow your child to be bored for an entire flight, and they put up with it, that means you ignore your kid a LOT. Jeez, I had half a mind to let him come sit in my seat and watch movies with the other kid. But, let's face it: I had magazines and diet coke to attend to, and unlike this other mom I only get to do that when I leave my kid at home. Sheesh.

And now it is time to go enjoy the beautiful Wisconsin summer. The water is receding, the mosquitos haven't hatched yet, and there are no tornadoes in the forecast. Why on earth aren't you on the first plane out here people? We will get the beer and ice cream ready. And all seven of you are more than welcome at Chez Lizard. It is very reasonably priced, and the neighbors (that's me) are lovely.